Do the hustle

Just a heads up... this blog post is about AJ's spring music program.

You now have received roughly the same amount of notice I did that AJ had something going on Thursday night.

Jeff called me yesterday a little before 5 p.m. as he was heading to work and I was preparing to leave my office. "Does AJ have a program tonight or something?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Why?"

One of his colleagues who lives in the same district mentioned a music program.

"His kids are a little older. Must be for the older grades," I confidently replied.

This was our one night all week with nothing on the calendar. I'd even commented about that to someone at work earlier in the day. No hockey for AJ. That had been Monday. No end-of-year picnics for Sydney. That was Tuesday. No dance for Sydney or baseball practice for AJ. Both of those had been Wednesday. And there's another dance class for Sydney tonight.

But there was nothing going on Thursday evening. Nothing to do but go home and get caught up on homework and housework after a way-too-busy week.

Fast forward 50 minutes. I'd survived the road construction-filled commute on I-35 and made it to pick up the kids from their after-school program. It was then (5:50 p.m) that AJ said, "Mom, I have to be in Mrs. Baird's room at 6:15 for my program. And I need to wear a bright shirt." He then pointed to the dark blue and red Twins shirt he was wearing. "Is this bright?"

How did I miss any announcement of this?!?

I turned to the Cool Kids staff person. "Do you know if the kids have a program tonight?"

"Yeah," she confirmed. "6:30 in the gym."

As I hustled the kids out the door, we passed another mom I know. She had come prepared and was armed with brightly colored shirts for her boys so they could go straight to the program. She offered to share a shirt because she had a spare. How nice. Could I feel any more inept?

On the way out of the building, we happened to pass AJ's teacher who was on her way in. I quickly explained my surprise and assured her we would be coming, though maybe a few minutes late.

During the short drive home, AJ asked if he could borrow Jeff's Magnum P.I. curly wig (an old Halloween costume) because "that's kind of disco."

"What does disco have to do with anything?" I asked.

"We can dress like disco," AJ answered.

"I thought you were supposed to wear bright colors."

"Or disco."

At that point I called my friend Crystal who confirmed the program had a disco theme, but otherwise bright colored clothes would be fine. Great. Just great.

In the house we went. I helped AJ find a shirt, grabbed a couple snacks for the kids, left for poor Gus still in his kennel, and headed right back out the door. We made it back to school with a couple minutes to spare. I dropped AJ in his room, and Sydney and I made our way to the gym, finding a spot to sit on the bleachers.

The kindergartners came in first singing and dancing (mostly dancing, not much singing) to "The Hustle". The woman sitting in front of me turned and smiled, "Wouldn't it be funny if some of the parents stood up and started doing the hustle."

I already did my version of the hustle, thank you very much. We wouldn't have made it otherwise.

Next up came the first graders. Here's AJ pretending to be John Travolta while waiting for the other classes to file in.

AJ told me later that it was a big deal to be able to stand on the top row of the risers. The music teacher figured out that all the kids wanted to stand in back, so she used that as an incentive. The best class got to be in the back row, and AJ's class won! Oh boy!

I feel horrible for saying this. And if this blogging website would let me upload a :30 second video clip I wouldn't have to because you'd be able to draw your own conclusion. But this was possibly the worst theme ever for an elementary choir concert. Sure the music was fun and the kids liked the dorky dance moves. But it was, in a word, awful. Call me grumpy, but first graders cannot hit the high notes of Funkytown. And the older grades similarly mutilated a whole range of songs from the era that should have remained bygone. If I wanted to hear singing like this, I would head to a karaoke bar, because at least there I could numb my nerves with alcohol.

Yes, definitely grumpy.

AJ's class finished their second song, Good Times, which we were not having. AJ apparently felt it appropriate to blow kisses to the crowd as thanks for their applause.

Next came the second graders, singing Kool and the Gangs' Celebration. I remember singing that song on the school bus when I was just a few years past second grade. Great! Now I'm OLD and grumpy.

The show continued with kids singing what I consider to be highly inappropriate lyrics for their age. Sydney grew ever more restless. My butt grew ever more sore from sitting on the wooden bleachers. And the person near me who badly needed deodorant grew ever more annoying.

At last it was time for the grand finale. The song when all the kids file back in to the gym and sing together. It's the music teachers' way to hold us all hostage until the very end. It takes at least five minutes to squeeze them all in to the gym in some semblance of order. The song? "We are Family."

Just to give you a feel of the magical moment:

And that's only the front third of the gym.

Where's AJ? If you click on the above picture to enlarge it, look near the doors on the right, straight down from the word "Attitudes", he's the blond in the red shirt.

Normally I love these music programs. It's fun to hear the kids. It's great to see all the families that come to watch. Next year, assuming I get more than 25 minutes advance notice, it should actually be easier to sit through the full show because Sydney will be singing, too. That means it'll be her teacher's job to keep her busy while the other grades are performing.

And so until next year, let's pack away the disco ball. Or maybe smash it to smithereens.