Why did I have children?

There will be no pictures accompanying this blog post. You'll understand why soon enough.

As I type this on my laptop, I'm sitting on the toilet in my bathroom. No, that's not too much information. The lid is down. It's the only chair I can find where I can sit and still keep an eye on Sydney in the bathtub.

It's her second bath tonight. The first ended rather abruptly when she pooped in the tub. Like a scene in a bad movie, played out in slow motion, I knew what was happening, and yet couldn't get her slippery, resistently stubborn body out of the water in time. I heard the grunts. Saw her lying on her stomach, body stick straight, legs crossed at the ankles. NOOOooooo!!! And then there it was. And still, Sydney did her best to avoid my reach, not wanting to get out of the water.

I finally grabbed her arms, hoisted her out, and carried her dripping and crying over to the toilet, warning her to hang on tight when I set her down so she wouldn't slip in. I wrapped her in a towel and then started draining the tub. It was only after the water had gone down the drain that Sydney joined me at the side of the tub.

Peering over the side, she saw what remained and finally understood. "Ooohhhhhh." As realization set in, she dragged out the word. She then looked up at me with her sweetest smile, "Can you get it out?"

This of course came after a hectic evening that started when I had to leave work early, pick up the kids from two different places, get home, let the dog out, get AJ into hockey gear and Sydney into a snowsuit, feed them both a snack, drive to the hockey rink, lace up AJ's skates and snap on his helmet. And did I mention all this had to be done in less than 90 minutes? At least I remembered AJ's hockey stick.

As I wrap this up, it's now a few hours later. The kids are asleep and Jeff is finally home. (He had to work late and then help flood the rink, so it's not as if his evening was any easier.) Feeling I earned it, I dipped into the already nearly empty bag of Dove chocolate hearts that were supposed to accompany the Valentines my kids give to their classmates. I love Dove chocolates. But why oh why did they have to ruin them be printing a helpful tip from Martha Stewart on the inside of each chocolate's foil wrapper?

"Try wrapping a floral bouquet in a classic love poem."
"Add rosewater to a Valentine dessert for a light floral flavor."
"Put a few drops of rose-scented essential oil in your humidifier."

Sure Martha. Let me get right on that. Right after I finish sanitizing my bathtub.