Tuesday, December 6, 2011

And that's how a ridiculously expensive 12-foot Christmas tree ended up draped across my couch

It all started so innocently. One of those wonderful family traditions that marks the coming of Christmas. Jeff and I took the kids to our favorite tree lot in search of the perfect tree. I probably should feel guilty that we've never given the kids the experience of trudging through the woods to cut down our own tree, but the guy we go to has a real sword from Thailand hanging on his garage wall, and for AJ, seeing that sword each year is the most exciting part of the Christmas tree selection process.

We looked at the trees in his garage, and they were all lovely. But me, always wanting to know my options, headed outside to check the trees propped along the fence. And that's where I saw my top pick. I called Jeff over to get his opinion. (Jeff's usually pretty agreeable if it means we can get out of there faster.)

Jeff pulled the tree away from the fence so we could see it upright. It still looked beautiful, though was bigger than I'd realized.

Note: Jeff's version of the next portion of the story is probably a little different than mine, but since he doesn't blog (and generally doesn't read what I write), guess whose version counts as the official one?

Me: "Oh... do you think it's too tall?"

Jeff: "It's fine. Have we ever had a tree too tall for our ceiling?"

(For anyone not familiar with my living room, it has a really high vaulted ceiling, though the tree sits in a corner where the ceiling's not all that high.)

Me: "This tree doesn't have a tag. We should ask how much it costs."

Jeff: (calling to the tree guy) "We're going to take this one."

The guy came over and helped Jeff carry the tree over to our minivan. He grabbed some twine and tied it to the roof. And that's when Jeff got around to asking, "So, how much is this one?"

I"m not going to list the price the man quoted. Suffice it to say it was $15-$20 more than we've ever paid before. Jeff tried bargaining down the price by $10. The guy said no. It was, after all, a really big tree. And it was already tied to our roof.

Jeff paid full price. We loaded the kids in the minivan, and headed home, with AJ happily chatting about how cool it was to see the sword again.

So just how big/heavy is the tree? Note Jeff's facial expression as he unloaded it.


AJ eagerly volunteered to help carry the tree through the yard to the back door. Ahhh... such a Rockwell moment.


Jeff wrestled the tree through the sliding door and together we got it into the tree stand, only to discover...

the tree

was too

tall.

We carefully slid the tree away from the wall until we reached a spot where the top of the tree cleared the ceiling. There was now enough space for Gus and the kids to squeeze between the wall and the tree.

Does anyone else sense disaster looming?

Rather than take the tree back outside and saw a foot off the bottom, Jeff thought it'd be easier to trim the top. He grabbed a step ladder and pruning clippers from the garage, and went to work. To his credit, it looked fine when he finished (as opposed to the lopped off trees you often see beneath power lines) and we were able to slide the tree closer to the corner.

I filled the base with water and covered it with a tree skirt. And then we let it sit for a few hours. Gus, of course, was curious, and so we did our best to yell and instill the fear of God in him any time he got close.

After hockey practice and dinner - by then, Jeff had left for work - I at last let my little decorators go to work.


The kids loved looking through the box of tree ornaments. Some they remember from years past, especially the ones they've made. Of course those were the first to hang on the tree.



It took a step ladder and some stretching, but we did it! I e-mailed Jeff a picture so he could admire our handiwork, noting that he was going to have to straighten the star on top when he got home. I just couldn't reach high enough.


And then I happened to get a photo that reminded me of my earlier fears.


In fact, after the kids went to bed, I started thinking about my next blog post. I figured I'd use a caption with the above photo saying something like "anyone want to guess the odds of the tree surviving the season?"

But before I took time to write, I ran to the bathroom to take out my contact lenses. And it was then that I heard a noise. The distinctive clang of a large jingle bell ornament. I ran from my room, praying that Gus had simply knocked the ornament from the tree. But when I rounded the corner into the living room I saw...

Disaster realized! 

Gus had pulled the entire tree over onto the couch.

Fearing everything from an electrical fire to water damage (The gallon of water I'd poured into the tree stand had all spilled out. Water tends to do that.) I unplugged the lights and did my best to lift the tree. Not an easy task. And once I got it upright, there was no way to leave it standing because the legs of the tree base were now seriously mangled.

Leaving it leaning against the couch, I grabbed towels and started sopping up water. Then I resumed my tugging, trying to pull the tree over to some wooden flooring near the door. I succeeded, but again was trapped because I couldn't let go of the tree. I finally dragged it back into the corner and propped it.


Bad, bad dog. Look ashamed!


I called Jeff and said I needed help. While I waited for him, I did my best to clean sap out of the inch-long gash I'd gotten in my finger at some point. Once Jeff got home, we moved the tree. He held it upright while I used towels to soak up more water, and then re-propped the tree. Jeff went back to work. I went to bed. Gus stayed in his kennel. Amazingly, only one ornament didn't survive the fall and, thankfully, it was a simple glass ball with no sentimental value.

Yesterday morning, I put a positive spin on the situation for the kids. "Hey, remember how much fun it was to decorate the tree? We get to do it all again!"

Jeff bought a new, stronger tree stand, so the tree is again upright. We'll re-decorate it tonight. Gus is still alive. He's acting relatively meek. Sometimes.

Ahhh.. the joy of the holidays. Let's hope this particular event doesn't become a tradition.

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